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Take Five (Various Disasters edition)
ONE: Optics… Ur Doin’ It Wrong Shrewdly sensing that a recession-weary electorate loves nothing more than mindlessly ostentatious displays of wealth, Mitt Romney has decided to tear down his $12...
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Take Five (Tainted Love edition)
ONE: “I put that * on everything!” Tyson Fresh – uh, make that “Fresh” – Meats recently recalled 131,300 pounds of ground beef after E. Coli contamination sickened four children in Butler County, Ohio....
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Take Five (Careful What You Wish For edition)
ONE: The Cain Scrutiny A funny thing keeps happening on the way to the Republican nomination. Each successive frontrunner swoons in popularity as soon as the blogosphere, joined a little belatedly by...
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Take Five (If Pizzas Were Horses edition)
ONE: Someday his prince will come… Having taken some time off after a painful cycling accident, I return, Van Winkley, to a dramatically changed world. Mere weeks from the beginning of primary season,...
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Take Five (Miserable Bastards edition)
ONE: And your money back if the birth certificate turns out to be valid! Last week Take Five presented “highlights” from the press conference announcing the results of Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s cold case...
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BREAKING NEWS: ROMNEY WINS OHIO
Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted announced early this afternoon that he has certified the final vote tally from tomorrow’s Presidential election and that former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney is the...
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Take Five (States’ Blights edition)
ONE: The Classless of 2010 When this column was launched in December 2010, many now-notorious Republican governors weren’t even sworn in, but within months of taking their oaths of office they began...
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Stormy Monday, 4/14/14
You’re no doubt delighted that your hardworking Congressional representatives have begun their desperately needed two-week break to recharge their batteries, get a little spring sun on their...
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New Year, New Grumpy
Grumpy: Hey, Mouse, I have news you’re really going to like. I am turning over a new leaf in 2015. I think I am going to be less grumpy. And you have my wonderful cousin to thank for it! Before I get...
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